Brenden Mulligan

Disclaimer: Don’t take life too seriously. This post is parody. 

As the world clearly knows, last April I launched Webbygram, the nobel prize winning website that brought Instagram, the photo app we all know and love, to the web. Was I the first to do it? No. Was I the best? Clearly. After being awarded more trophies than I can list here (so many trophies), I think we can all agree that I won designation as best/only way to view photos from Instagram (filtered and not) through web browsers.

I WIN ALL THE CONTESTS.

But today, Facebook Instagram had the AUDACITY to release their own web version. How dare they?! HOW DARE THEY!?!

Resident DJ Founder/CEO Kevin Systrom says from his pulpit covered in gold and Hefe filtered diamonds “This allows you to have a single destination to point people at to see all your beautiful photos”. You know what else does that Kevin, Webbygram, the service used by BILLIONS of Instagram users. Yeah that’s right. My Instagram service has more users than your Instagram site (again proving I win all the contests).

But still, Instagram launching this beautiful competitive web product is a slap in the face for the hours inordinate amount of time it took to build Webbygram.

This happens with every platform. Developers fill holes that the company leaves open, and then the platform comes in with their cold lifetaking hands and chokes the poor, heroic developers until there’s nothing left except a disgusting pile of shame and regret. The platform owners stand upon their piles of money laughing, sometimes spitting, at the developers who generously and selflessly added value to their ecosystem, only to have it sucked dry by greed and reality television. [Tangent: Bravo sucks.]

History is ripe with examples where platform owners screw the innovative little guy. Twitter clients. Cashtags. Angelgate. The NHL Lockout. And today, history repeats itself again. Except this time it’s Kevin and Mikey with a target aimed squarely at the internet’s #1 photoviewing website [with a brown background], Webbygram.

What Instagram did today was inexcusable. Especially in the wake of Superstorm Sandy. IS THIS WHAT REBUILDING MEANS? HUH KEVIN? HUH MIKEY? Something tells me those guys are sitting in unseasonably warm California weather with all the electricity and drinking water they can consume. (Disclosure: I’m writing this from Hawaii. I had a piña colada last night. The ice melted faster than I would have preferred. It was frustrating.)

It’s disgusting. And I think it’s clear that Instagram clearly does not have it users’ best interests at heart. No no no. They don’t. And I’ll retaliate. Oh, my my I will. Maybe I’ll start a competing, ad-free, paid service called PhotosWithFilters.NET (of course I’ll need to wait until Instagram has ads).

Beware users. Instagram will start by ruining the lives of their developers, but you’re next. Guaranteed. Before too long, your precious little photos will be covered in lens flares and tiny Mark Zuckerberg kisses. Just wait.

This isn’t over yet KevinMikey. Watch your back. Bitches be ‘grammin.

In the meantime, check out my beautiful Instagram profile (when it’s available) at http://instagram.com/mulligan. They really did an excellent job with the web product. Bravo, guys.